Exercise Tips for Idiots

Our attitude to exercise

Most of us hate exercise. Why? Because we don't take it seriously. As a result, we don't apply our minds to it. We don't make it interesting. We don't put much into it. We don't spend any money on it. We don't get into it. So what happens? We give up and watch TV.

Exercise does help but it doesn't make us slim

Some of us believe that exercise will make us thin. We rush off in our brand new trainers and try to exercise our butt off. What happens? Does our butt disappear? No. So we give up in disgust.

Exercise facts for idiots

Here are some facts.

• Exercise is by far the easiest way to improve our health.

• Exercise helps us live longer, it makes us feel better and it makes us happier.

• If we exercise and eat properly, we get leaner.

• The only good exercise is regular exercise - not sporadic bursts.

• Exercise works best when accompanied by a reasonable diet. It's no justification for eating junk.

"I don't have time" - the idiot excuse for not exercising

If you think you don't have time to exercise, let me quote some poetry:

Because I could not stop for death
He kindly stopped for me.
Emily Dickinson

Busy? Then exercise!

The busier and more stressful life you lead, the MORE you need to exercise.
So stop making excuses and start using your common sense. Stop working yourself to the bone trying to improve your material life and set aside some time to exercise. You'll live longer & feel better if you do.

How NOT to start exercising

• Rush out and join the most expensive gym in the neighborhood.

• Go out on a 5 mile run.

• Relive your youth by challenging the local tennis champion to a game.

• Enter a sponsored marathon next month.

• Go for a 2 mile power-walk without a respirator.

Exercise guidelines for idiots

There are 4 basic rules:

• Get into it gradually - step by step, stage by stage

• Do it regularly

• Make it fit your lifestyle

• If you are unfit and/or overweight, visit your doctor for a quick check up.

Stage One
This can last for 2-4 weeks

• Pretend you are an unfit lump.

• Forget all about "exercise" and "fitness".

• All you have to do is stop relying totally on labor-saving devices. That's all.
  i.e. Don't rely on your car so much, don't always use the escalator, don't always use the lift.

• While you're getting used to moving around, check out your neighborhood for possible walks, or a place to exercise, or a swimming pool.

• Ask around and find a friend to start exercising with you.

• Buy a couple of dance-music CDs.

• When you feel ready for more, proceed to Stage Two.

Stage Two
This can last for 1-2 months

• Pretend you are an unfit lump.

• Take a 15 minute walk/swim every day. Don't do anymore.

• If bad weather/muggers stop you going outside, put on your new CDs and dance for 15 minutes.

• Make a simple exercise diary. Aim to gradually work up to 30-45 minutes of exercise, a day.

• Persuade a friend/partner to do it with you.

• When you feel ready for more, proceed to Stage Three.

Stage Three
This can last for 1-2 months

• Pretend you are an unfit lump who is getting fitter.

• Increase your daily exercise to 20-30 minutes.

• Update your exercise diary. Keep a note of your progress and any failures.

• Don't be tempted to do twice the exercise one day and none the next.

• When you feel ready for more, proceed to Stage Four.

Stage Four
This can last for 1-2 months

• Pretend you used to be an unfit lump who is now much fitter.

• Increase your daily exercise to 30 minutes.

• Update your exercise diary. Keep a note of your progress and any failures.

Results
By now, exercise should have become a regular part of your life. You should be feeling a lot better and a lot more energetic. If you have been eating sensibly, your body will be slimmer, leaner and much more desirable - to you, if not to everyone. You are well on the way to achieving good health. Keep it up!

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Exercise guidelines for idiots who want to be slim

Some of you may only be interested in exercising in order to lose weight. If so, here's some advice.

• No exercise can help you to reduce fat. Exercise builds muscles or reshapes your body. It does not eliminate fat.

• If you exercise while dieting, you will reduce the 'plateau' effect of dieting and thus maintain your rate of weight loss. But only for as long as you keep exercising.

• If you don't follow a sensible weight loss diet while exercising, you will not lose weight.

• Although aerobic exercise is extremely healthy, it does not help the average person to lose weight, unless combined with a weight loss diet.

• Although abdominal exercise is great for strengthening and tightening the abdominal muscles, it does not help the average person to lose weight, unless combined with a weight loss diet.

• Note: The best exercise plan for weight loss is a combination of aerobic and weight-training exercises. This type of exercise plan burns extra calories AND helps you increase your muscle/fat ratio which will raise your metabolism to make it easier to lose weight and keep it off.

The Moral?
If you want to lose weight, you must exercise AND eat properly at the same time.